Last year, I wrote about grey hair on a whim as it was connected to my confidence, mostly lack of confidence, around blogging and launching a book. Who knew a color change could draw out so many emotions? That post received a surprising number of comments and follow up questions about what I had decided, which tells me it’s on more minds than just mine. As more grey hairs have moved in over the last year, it’s forced my answer to the question—to grey or not to grey? I’ve invited two beautiful women, Zoë from Zoë Bakes and Cathy from The Grit and Polish, to share their grey hair experience with you, along with my own.
I want to preface this personal, public conversation with this—there is no right or wrong to this conversation, though you might assume that, as it’s a conversation compiled of similar experiences. As you read this, as you come to different or similar conclusions for yourself, know that. This is a tiny, one-sided, fraction of a larger conversation. This particular one might happen over drinks with 3 greying friends. Of course, it would sound entirely different with 3 non-greying friends. Both conversations are incredibly valuable and different. Let it be.
Melissa Coleman
Author of this blog, thefauxmartha.com
When did you begin greying?
I noticed my first grey hairs in my early 20s. They looked like little inch-long intruders. I removed the intruders during my bathroom breaks at my old desk job. It became a game to look forward to: Find the hidden sprout of grey. (Now you know why I started my blog.) Last year, in my 33rd year of life, they really moved in.
Did you decide to go grey before or after your hair began changing colors?
Before, you know, when it’s easy to decide something. But once they started showing up very regularly, I started to question my decision. I’m in that awkward stage of greying, like the beginning of the second trimester, where people are probably mumbling under their breath, “Does she know she’s greying? Did she eat too much pizza last night?” I’ve embraced this decision, even though my hair color hasn’t yet fully.
It’s worth nothing, I think it’s funny that I paint my face every morning with makeup but have decided not to paint my hair. Heh.
Why did you decide to go grey?
For so many reasons.
1—I’m lazy when it comes to my hair. I get it cut 1-2 times a year and snip away at it in between. I just can’t be trusted to keep coloring up.
2—Cost. Adding a large line item to the budget every 6 weeks, which I hear is the magic number, would usurp the dating and babysitter budget. I like Kev too much.
3—I want to do my very best to own this aging process. I try to compartmentalize life into two categories: the things I can control and the thing I can’t control. To the things I can control, I work hard to handle them in the healthiest manner I can muster. And to the things I can’t control, I work hard to accept them in the healthiest manner I can muster. I’ve slotted natural aging into the things I can’t control category.
4—For the last 10 years, I’ve been paying more attention to the quality of food I put in my body, making changes as we can afford it and/or as we acquire more knowledge about the topic. And for the last 2 years, I’ve been paying more attention to what I put on my body—makeup, soap, lotion, shampoo, deodorant, face wash, etc. I’d like to take a pass on researching hair dye.
How did you feel about yourself when you started greying?
Like this was the beginning of my end. Which led me to ask myself questions like, why is aging so bad? Why am I finding value (or not finding value) in myself based on my age and my hair color? Am I placing that same value system on others, in turn, devaluing them?
Did your partner have any thoughts on this subject?
Kev has always been so good at loving me where I’m at—whether I’m in the middle of a work crisis (all of last year), wrestling with my belief system (the last 10 years), post-childbirth, or noticing the grey hairs popping up, or is it out? They’re known for being wiry hairs. He always reminds me, usually after I remind him about my newest age-related body change, that we’re going to get old together if we’re lucky enough. This has really helped me to reframe the internal conversation I’m having about my changing looks.
Did this color change stir up anything other emotions or issues in your life?
I swear the stress of launching a book last year while questioning everything I was doing for work, convinced the pigment to pack up permanently. I turned grey quite fast over the course of last year. Kev reminded me that we’re just growing old; it’s to be expected. But as my work confidence dipped, so did my confidence about my appearance. The two situations were mirroring each other. Once I figured that out, I had a more accurate peek into what was actually going on internally.
If I’m being really honest, I place value on my appearance. We do that for others, too. We involuntarily tell the person who lost weight, who updated their wardrobe, who traded in glasses for contacts, “You look so great!” with much excitement, as if they didn’t before. Greying naturally is an unpopular decision for women. It’s hard choosing not to meet the general appearance standards when I could make a different choice.
Your face (and therefore your hair) is attached to your work. What impact did that have on your decision, if any?
Over the last couple years, I’ve been wrestling with the idea that my decisions have influence on others. What is it they’re calling bloggers these days, influencers? I don’t like the responsibility or even the power of that. It’s too much. It’s not why I started blogging. But I’m coming around to the idea that I can influence things that matter. (We all have influence in our spheres of life.) And, as silly as it sounds, our hair color matters. It reflects bigger issues that are going on in our everyday lives. Issues that shape our lives. This conversation is more than a topic about hair color. And where ever you land on this personal decision is OK.
Has anyone treated you differently because of the color of your hair?
No, not yet. I’m in the early stages and, so far, most of my greys are the same texture as the rest of my hair, so they are blending in nicely (for now). The most common thing I hear when this conversation comes up is, “Grey hair makes women look old, but makes men look refined.” I’ve said those same words, too. Maybe it looks good on men because a large majority don’t color their hair. What if women had the same visual permission to grey? A lot of women in my neighborhood, who I see regularly around town, are going grey. It’s heavily impacted my decision to do the same. It’s given me permission to fit in.
We are herd people, a lot like farm animals. You can see it play out in the empty parking lot with one car. You pull in. Where do you park? Next to the other car. And the rest of the cars follow. Herds are cozy and affirming and warm. It’s really good to have a herd, a place to feel welcome, a place to fit in. If you want to give this grey hair thing a go, find a herd, a place to process through this awkward, ordinary conversation.
Do you have any advice for someone considering going grey?
I’m so early in this process, I don’t have a lot advice, so I’ll share some that was given to me. A very wise friend sent me an email after writing about this a year ago. She, too, was greying early, and it was impacting her confidence to the point of debilitating other areas of her life. She decided it was better to handle the grey hairs than to let them handle her, so she started using a semi-permanent dye. She also sent this quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.”
I love her wisdom and perspective. It’s wise to understand what you can and cannot handle right now, to understand where you’re at in the process and that everything is a process, and to hold your decision light enough to make changes as needed. Because if I’ve learned anything, life is more grey than it is brown, blonde, red, or black and white.
Cathy Poshusta
Author of one of my favorite home design blogs, thegritandpolish.com
When did you begin greying?
I found my first grey hair around the age of 16, and I pulled it out. A few months later, I found more. I kept pulling them out until there were too many greys to keep up with. Then I moved on to dye.
Did you decide to go grey before or after your hair began changing colors?
After. I’ve been dying my hair for almost 20 years. That’s over half of my life already…eek! Last year I started feeling fed up with the whole dye process and eventually decided to embrace my greys. So now I’m smack dab in the middle of an awkward hair transition ?
Why did you decide to go grey?
Last year I came to the realization that I hated my hair. I was having to dye it every 3-4 weeks to cover the grow out and it was costing me $100/month or more. And yet I still hated my hair. It was high-maintenance, un-healthy, and a constant annoyance in my life. So, I really didn’t have much to lose by growing out my greys. I figured even if I still hated my hair, at least I wouldn’t be spending $100/month on it.
Around that time my hair stylist went on maternity leave, so I skipped an appointment. And then another. I wore a lot of hats and liked how low-maintenance I felt. Inaction slowly became action.
Not surprisingly, growing out greys is an awkward process and I’ve had my share of second-guesses. What’s gotten me past those moments is the encouragement I’ve received from friends, family, and women on Instagram. One of my friends, a woman with the most enviable (natural) brown hair, told me that she was waiting, hoping, to find her first grey hair. She considered grey hair beautiful and an earned privilege in life. I loved that perspective.
How did you feel about yourself when you started greying?
I was so young when I found my first greys that I thought it was funny. But growing out my greys in my mid-30s has been a different experience. I’ve felt uncertain and wondered if I still look like myself. I’ve always been a brunette, and it’s hard to let go of that part of my identity. On the flip side, embracing my greys has made me feel free and unique. Covering greys can feel a bit like Sisyphus pushing the rock up the mountain and it’s been freeing to let that boulder go!
Did your partner have any thoughts on this subject?
My husband and I started dating at 18, a couple of years after I found my first greys. His hair was starting to recede at the same time, and we joked about what a bad ‘hair couple’ we were. Ha! Over the years he’s always encouraged me to embrace my greys, and while it took me a couple of decades to do so, I’m thankful for his constant support. It may have taken 20 years, but we’re finally becoming that bad ‘hair couple’!
Did this color change stir up anything other emotions or issues in your life?
I have an identical twin sister and we’ve been mistaken for each other our entire lives. She’s not ready to embrace her greys and is still a brunette. So, for the first time in 36 years, we won’t get mistaken for each other anymore. That’s been hard for both of us.
Your face (and therefore your hair) is attached to your work. What impact did that have on your decision, if any?
For the most part, my audience has been a positive force in my decision to make this change. When I first mentioned my discontent over dying on Instagram, I was inundated with encouragement from women going grey themselves, hairstylists with helpful tips, and general well-wishers. I doubt that I would be on this path without them.
Has anyone treated you differently because of the color of your hair?
Not yet. But the day is probably coming when someone mistakes me for my kids’ grandmother. Ha! For that reason, I’ve started taking my face moisturizer routine more seriously. ?
Have you ever felt pressure to color your hair?
Goodness yes! I’ve had plenty of women tell me to keep dying my hair over the years. And of course, I’ve felt the constant pressure to look young and beautiful from social media, the workplace, our society, etc. It seems like women’s list of beauty expectations keeps getting longer and dying our hair into our 50s (60s…70s…?) is definitely part of that.
Do you have any advice for someone considering going grey?
If you’re not a big fan of change (??), take it slow. Try adding highlights or doing a semi-permanent dye until you’re ready to embrace your greys. Baby steps are good. So are purple shampoos and hats. I also recommend surrounding yourself with encouragement. There’s a whole sisterhood of silver-haired women out there and their support is real (check out @grombre on IG)!
You can find Cathy on her blog: www.thegritandpolish.com and on Instagram: @thegritandpolish
Photographer credit: Garrett Poshusta
Zoë François
Author of the beautiful, doable baking blog zoebakes.com and co-author of Artisan Bread in Five.
When did you begin greying?
It started about 10 years ago, but no one else noticed until I developed a distinct streak of grey right in the front about 6 years ago.
Did you decide to go grey before or after your hair began changing colors?
I never colored my hair, so it was a pretty subtle slide into grey.
Why did you decide to go grey?
It never occurred to me to color my hair, until an acting coach suggested I darken it for a TV appearance. She told me the grey made me look washed out on camera and I would look younger with darker hair. She even set up an appointment with her hair coloring specialist, which I went to with trepidation, but was resolved to take her advice. When I sat in his chair to decide on a new color, he refused to color it. Flat out REFUSED. He told me the coach was wrong and I should never color my hair. I was gobsmacked, since she was so adamant and it was his business to color hair. I was also relieved, because deep down, I never wanted to color my hair. I am so grateful he refused my business, and I’ll never let someone talk me into changing my look to suit their personal idea of beauty.
How did you feel about yourself when you started greying?
On our honeymoon, my husband and I went to Paris. I was 23 and hadn’t seen much of the world yet. A woman I saw in a museum made a lasting impression on me (not the Mona Lisa, although she too is beautiful). She was a woman of a “certain age,” impossibly chic and had white-grey hair. I’d never seen a woman wear her age with such confidence. At that moment (in my early 20s) I hoped I’d age with as much grace and pride, not only that, I really looked forward to it. So, I’ve been waiting my whole adult life to become that woman, to be of a “certain age.” Now that I am that age, I understand the strength she exuded. I’ve certainly earned all the grey!
Did your partner have any thoughts on this subject?
He loves my grey hair. We’ve been together for 30 years, so he’s watched me earn every strand.
Your face (and therefore your hair) is attached to your work. What impact did that have on your decision, if any?
People have always complimented me on leaving my hair natural. Honestly, leaving my hair wildly curly has garnered more attention, until recently. I’ve had a few people comment about how “brave” I am for going grey, which strikes me as incredibly sad. It never occurred to me that I should have colored my hair, so I wasn’t being a rebel or brave, just myself. All of the women in my life have colored their hair, but because of the woman in Paris, it just wasn’t my definition of beauty or style.
Has anyone treated you differently because of the color of your hair?
Not that I’ve noticed, but maybe I just don’t pay attention to people who would be inclined to do so.
Do you have any advice for someone considering going grey?
I recently talked my mom into going grey and she looks gorgeous. I never knew what her natural hair looked like until last year. I actually think she looks younger with the grey hair. I think it’s a myth that grey hair ages you.
You can find Zoë on her blog: zoebakes.com and on Instagram: @zoebakes
I too have decided to grow my hair. I have been colouring my hair for years but I was having to colour it more often and as I couldn’t afford to go to the hairdresser, I was doing it myself, what a chore.
Last July was the last time I coloured my hair, Red, which is high maintenance. I’m persevering though and slowly but surely my hair is getting there. My need a good hair cut and have the colour removed once and for all.
Thank you all for sharing your stories.
So pleased to stumble across this wonderful post at a perfectly timely moment. Struggling with ‘going grey’ now that it is impossible to see my stylist during lockdown. But a tiny part of me is curious about what just embracing it would be like – would it be pretty, would I feel freer, what would I do with the saved money and time? I haven’t reached a conclusion but my interior dialogue is kinder and calmer after reading this. Thank you.
Thank you for a great article.
In semi lockdown at the moment as we all are.
Wondering what the heck to do with my hair, been coloring it forever, nowadays only to cover the gray.
Now I am taking this opportunity to just let go and letting it grow!
Thanks again ☺️
I started going grey at 26 after having my first 2 babies within 18 months, I spent years and money colouring my hair. About 5 years ago my stylist suggested I stop colouring. She said people were paying money to colour their hair grey and I had amazing grey streaks that would look fabulous if I stopped covering them up. I was a dark blonde growing up so transitioning into grey wasn’t too hard. My stylist started matching my streaks and playing with lowlights until one appt she said no need to play with the colour. I’ve been fully grey for 5 years. I get complements on my hair all the time from men and women. I struggle with the idea of grey hair because we have been told to cover it up, it makes you old looking. I have been asked if I get a seniors discount on a few occasions and I have to admit I snapped at the poor sales clerks asking them if I looked old and challenging them that just because I have grey hair doesn’t mean I’m old. Poor girls. I’m not yet 50 and I’m proudly wearing my grey hair. There are photos of my on my IG if you ever want to check it out @markovadesign
Thanks for this post. I’m glad it came around just at this moment, because at age 41 I’m just starting to see grays. When I was younger I just assumed I’d never try and cover gray hair (even if doing so seemed fine for others), but seeing older coworkers navigate that change made me realize I was being a bit self-important and simplistic. It depends so much on how your particular head of hair turns out, when it happens, etc. Anyway, despite the fact that I’ve changed my views somewhat, I’ve never considered it bad to go gray. And yet when those hairs appeared, so did some random feelings. Nothing horrible, just some insecurity or identity weirdness. When more of them show up I’m sure I’ll feel more and/or different things. And one thing that helps me process those reactions is seeing other people’s stories like yours and the others shared here. There are definitely insights here, but I think the main thing in a lot of ways is that we all need to feel like we’re not alone, not having to make this adjustment secretly.
I think I probably would’ve dyed my hair, had the greys come in my 20’s or 30’s. I had my dd at age 30, and one of my thoughts on her first day was, “Good, her hair is the exact shade of mine….so I can use her hair as a guide when I get mine dyed.” Lol. But it’s just been in the last yr and a half (I’m almost 45) that the greys here and there have been noticeable, and I’m at the point in life where I am happy with me being me, so letting my hair be natural is where I am. It *might* be helpful that I’ve seen my mother’s gorgeous, dark hair become clown-colored over the yrs as she colored her hair and lost sight of what it used to be (it’s been a weird orange, some kinda blond, a light red….even my kids, when younger, would notice the colors, lol). I DO love my dark hair, and it’s interesting to think of hair as our identity, cause I can totally see that. I *might* be a bit proud of my hair, and so I need to realize that eventually the changes to it can/will affect me emotionally. I’ve seen pics of my dad’s mom at my age, and she barely had any grey then….so I’m pretty sure my hair takes after hers. (She had THE PRETTIEST white hair in her 80’s!)
Idk, I didn’t really set out with a plan to not dye my hair….just when it started being more noticeable, I didn’t care. I’m also very very low-key with my hair care…..I’ve used the “no-poo” method for close to a decade now, I blow dry my bangs and let the rest air dry, and I get the bottom trimmed about every 9-12 months….which I normally do myself. I’m also an introvert who HATES salons, and a bit of a cheap-skate (wait, I’m FRUGAL), lol, so visits every 6 weeks + the cost….no thanks! But I also feel that keeping close to my natural color, over time, would be harder and harder to do (ie, visions of my mom’s clown hair, lol). (But then HER mom never had clown-colored hair…..my other grandma’s hair was always dyed….and was darker and very pretty…..so idk).
I went grey a few years ago because I just got tired of coloring my hair. I, like Zoe, have naturally curly hair and always get compliments on both the curls and the grey. Some people say that I’m inspiring them to go natural, but they haven’t taken the leap yet. I know others have been inspired to do it too. Frankly, for me, it’s about being real — this is who I am, deal with it! Ha!
Thank you so much for this point. I too am letting my hair go gray and really feel like I am living into who I am. So happy to see more and more woman doing the same. This is how were are – live life to the fullest in it!
I am most likely old enough to be any of your moms. When I took early retirement I decided to:
1) grow my short hair out(to honor a beloved grandmother)
and
2) let it go grey (I had been dyeing my hair back to its natural red color).
My amazing stylist supported me and has kept my hair looking its best with trims and special deep conditioning treatments now and then. I see her every 4-6 months.
No question…..there were some very awkward stages when I seriously wavered in my resolve but I felt that if I was going to grow my hair out that it was likely now or never due to my age. Happily, I managed to accomplish both goals. My hair is now white/grey/sandy and it is “below-the-bra-strap” long.
I am so glad that I hung in with my plan. For me long hair is easier to manage than short hair was and I save so much money on frequent hair cuts and “every-6-weeks” color. In hindsight I should have let it “go and grow” at an earlier age perhaps.
We all age differently and we all have our our own special “body-image-stress-points”. My experience was that I had to decide to make decisions about looks based solely on my own preferences. My spouse prefers my hair short and red, but I prefer the ease of the “naturally me”… But he is fine with it being long and natural. I just have so many more important things to spend my time and money on. We all must take same “ageing journey” and we all must choose what things are the most important to us. Honor your needs and preferences…change your mind about previous decisions if you want, but honor your own uniqueness at every stage of life’s journey! You are the only “you” there is!
I got my first gray hair at 29. I’ve always been fine with gray and figured that I earned it. I did have a boyfriend when I was in my early 60’s who gave me the line about gray making women look old, and I did dye my hair for a while, but absolutely hated it. I could never get a good color, and I needed to redo the dye every 3 weeks – that was crazy, and while I was contemplating breaking up with the boyfriend went on a long trip where I let my hair start to grow out. I also broke up with the boyfriend 3 days after I got home, and have ended up happily married to a guy who is fine with gray. It probably doesn’t hurt that I liked the way my gray started out, at the front corners. My youngest sister, who turns 70 in a couple of months still can’t deal with gray. Personally, I’m glad it has never been an issue for me, and I hope this post helps those who are having issues with deciding to allow them selves to gray/age gracefully.
This is a great article and I thank you for posting it. I am in my 60s and have been coloring my hair since I was in my 40s BUT have wanted to go natural for a long time. My family is a premature gray family and some of my cousins go natural and gray and some color. I have support to do as I wish, but I think I need to find that hairdresser/stylist that will take the journey with me. My current one has not encouraged me whenever I speak of it. Unfortunately I put this on my YEARLY TO DO LIST and it never gets crossed off…maybe one day.
Hair is so interesting. It’s a big part of us. I started graying in my 30s and added a lot of blonde highlights. My thought was to go gray gradually. But at 43 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and due to chemotherapy I lost all of my hair. You never know what hair means to you until you lose it all. I am a year out now and it’s growing back but 100% gray. People ask me all the time if I am going to color it. I always answer I don’t know. But I think deep down I know I will never color it again. Vanity is a tough thing and dealing with a loss of part of my breast being forced overnight into menopause and now completely gray at 44 is a bit hard but I think this is the new me and that’s ok. I’m alive healthy and gray?
I’ve never colored my hair and have had greys for as long as I can remember in my 32 years. My mom is close to sixty and has beautiful silver hair so I’m fairly certain that’s where I’m headed. I’ve always gotten compliments rather than negative feedback, but I like to call one particular spot my unicorn stripe. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
I’ve been silver (prefer that term) for about a year. I had coloured my auburn hair for years and was having to go lighter and lighter to hide the roots… I wasn’t feeling like myself as a blonde anyway so decided that I’d rather be natural. I had short hair already and it was a quick transition so if you knew me and didn’t see me for a few months it was a shock. Some days I see my reflection and am still surprised at how it looks, but the relief of not having to dye it is immense. I used to spentd a lot of time worrying about my roots and it’s very liberating to not do that any more. Is it for everyone? No. And the weirdest part has been other women getting defensive because they still choose to dye, but I would never tell anyone what to do with their hair. It took me years to come to this decision so you just have to do you in the end. I did find the Grombe IG account very inspiring and love the positive vibes it provides. My advice for anyone thinking about it – go online. There’s tips and support. And it was a lot like going back to work after a maternity leave – thinking about doing it -dreading it and worrying- was worse than actually just doing it.
Very timely for me too as I just started seeing significantly more greys in the last month or so (I just turned 34). I’m not too bothered by it aesthetically but it does feel like a poignant reminder of the passing of time, which can feel good or sad depending on the moment.
This was just … the best. So encouraging to hear from you Melissa, as we are the same age! I am the Lone Ranger going grey in my family of four daughters and a mother who are all still dyeing their hair. I was questioning my choice, but after surviving a stroke and countless other health crises, I believe I’ve earned this “glittering crown” 🙂 We have all earned them! We should be wearing them with pride! All the best to you — thanks for bringing this topic from out of the shadows and into the light.
Love Love Love Love this! It’s been almost 4 years since I let my hair go gray and I can honestly say that it was the best decision ever! I get far more complements with gray hair than I ever did when I colored it. I am both healthier and happier – a win-win for sure. I’ve even inspired others to take the plunge who were adamant about never giving up hair color!
Love this, and it’s very timely for me, as I’m starting to get a bunch and only 28. Thanks for having this conversation and normalizing the concept of embracing natural beauty and embracing yourself!
I just turned 48 and am mostly still in the pluck them out stage. i did get some blond highlights about a year ago to blend them in a bit, but I can still tell the grey from the blond, so I don’t think that is a good solution for me. I am so low maintenance that I can’t see myself dying every 6 weeks. You ladies all look great! I will ponder some more.
This is such a great conversation!!
What an inspiring post Melissa! I’m at “that age” and I know it’s time to let the grays take over, I just haven’t had the courage. This may be the nudge I need! Thank you, Cathy and Zoe!
I am older now, having passed 70, but I started going grey in my 20s. I colored my almost black hair for about a year and when the sun started to turn the dyed hair an ugly orange, I gave it up, and never looked back. I had the same stylist for over 35 years; she suffered through an ill advised curly phase, but was never interested in coloring my hair. I have gotten so many compliments on the color over the years, and know this is just how I am supposed to look.
Same stylist for 35 years?! What a gift. Though sitting in the chair makes me feel like I’m sitting in a confessional, when I confess that I’ve cut my hair (again, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t) with the dull scissors. Thank you for sharing your story, Nancy!
I’m 34 and have naturally very dark brown hair, so my grays really stand out. I started seeing grey hairs in my 20s and have never dyed my hair, so there is significant great now. Honestly I have never minded the grey and have never felt self-conscious about my hair—until this month, when I realized that my hair was not just thinner because I had a baby (17 months ago), but because I have female pattern hair loss. I have never been particularly vain about my appearance (not big into fashion, usually don’t wear makeup), but this has been a huge, depressing blow and I am really struggling to accept it. The research I have done says the FPHL is relatively common in pre-menopausal women (it becomes much more common after menopause), but it seems so much easier for men. I wish grey hair was the only thing I had to worry about as I aged!
Cate, that is hard. I’m really sorry. Our hair, it sounds silly but is true, is such a huge part of our identity. Thank you for being willing to share here. And if others are going through the same experience, I hope they can share. There’s comfort in a cozy herd, a place to be heard.
I had a friend go gray for several months. Finally she went back to coloring it. Her gray hair made her look about 10 years older, event though she was still attractive, etc.
Some women with gray look better than others.
Just do what you want. But I do believe it’s aging for some.
Absolutely! It’s so good to know is best for yourself. I love the advice my friend sent me—handle it if it needs to be handled.
Thank you for this post! I found myself agreeing outloud as I was reading. I’m naturally auburn/red headed and when I was younger, I always thought that was my most distinctive feature. When I noticeably started going grey in my early 30s, I wasn’t ready to let go and started coloring with semi-permanent color… and while it covered and was a good coloring job, it wasn’t a perfect match to natural color and that made me feel even less like me. For all of the same reasons Melissa pointed out, I made the decision to stop coloring and embrace the grey. That was 7 years ago. Now I know what makes me distinct has NOTHING to do with what color my hair is and I actually find myself hoping for more grey—excited to be that chic Parisian woman someday!
I want to be that chic Parisian woman too, with a croissant in my hand. I hope she had a croissant in her hand. Isn’t it weird how we shed former layers of our old identities to birth new ones? I remember so distinctly when I quit soccer, it was such a huge loss to my identity. I had to do a lot of rebuilding after that. I wondered the same last year thinking about walking away from this space. Who would I be if I wasn’t a blogger? Would I be the same or entirely different? Death, birth, it’s so wound up in each other.
Yes!!! I went through that too when I stopped playing competitive volleyball after college. And even now, I’m one week away from leaving my very well-paying job with a very renowned and successful company and am realizing now how much of my identity (and self-worth) is tied up in working there. I’m doing a lot of reflecting on the fact that as I take the bold step to go out on my own, people are going to want to work with me because I’m me and not because I’m a _____ employee. (A little bit I’m hoping the grey hair makes potential clients think I’m seasoned and also adds to my credibility… ha!)
I am 78 year old and I just decided to let my hair go grey.
I didn”t start getting grey hair until my sixties so I guess I have been coloring for at least 15 years.
It is so encouraging to read all these blogs about what I am doing. I had my hair cut short so the transition will not be so hard.
Thank you ladies for the encouragement and don’t stop, I have a ways to go.
Oh wow. I SO needed to read this. I’m 46 but started getting greys in my late teens. I dyed my hair for 25 years or so then gave in to the grey (well, white actually!) about 4 years ago. Why? Chemicals, cost, the time I wasted sitting around the salon sucking up the fumes. Mostly I’m really content with my hair grey/white but I have days when I’m ready to run to the nearest hair salon screaming “dye me now!!!”. This change of heart is usually prompted by a comment from someone I don’t know funnily enough. I have been called my kids Grandma too many times for my liking. My girls are 9 and 7, I have good skin, I care about my appearance, I dress with an eye to current fashion but I am assumed to be their grandmother. And I wish it didn’t hurt but it does! I’m working through it, I’m (trying) to own my grey hair and I like it to look good so I’ll get there! My husband and my friends love me any way, any hair colour so I’ve just got to wait for others to catch up.
So many amen things. I sway with my decision. In fact, I sway with a lot of decisions. There’s always good and bad with each one. The good makes the decision easy and the hard makes it hard. And why is it that comments from strangers sting so bad? Like a jelly fish sting that lingers? I feel you.
FIRST! You 3 ladies are incredibly adorable and so inspiring!! This gray hair topic has been weighing heavily on me lately. I am mid 40s, starting to gray, and do not color my brunette hair which I happen to love. I can relate to all of you, and it all boils down to knowing myself. I KNOW that I am lazy with my hair maintenance, and coloring would be a disaster for me personally. HA! Something else though, there’s nothing wrong with gray hair (I keep telling myself), and women should not be ashamed. It’s hair. Let’s embrace it!! Thank you so much ladies! I really needed this post. Beautiful!
Thank you for chiming in too! Know thyself. Amen! And embrace aging. Amen to that too.
I’m 47 and the front half of my hair is significantly grey. I found my first grey when I was 24 but they didn’t really become super apparent until my late 30’s. I debated for years and years whether I should dye or not, but eventually decided I didn’t care enough to hassle with the time and expense. I feel no shame in aging naturally.
No shame in aging naturally—amen to this
This is really encouraging! I’m 27 and started really greying around 25. It made me sad to grey so early (I thought I’d at least be 30 before a grey came in) so I plucked them all out but they became too many. I’ve never colored my brown hair before and I just don’t want to start now – not to mention the expense and strict routine of it! My husband is 30 and started greying around 25 as well and he loves it. He’s never wanted me to color mine! He always quotes the Bible verse Proverbs 16:31: “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” Thank you for being real with your thoughts and struggles through deciding to go grey. I’ve decided to own it regardless of age!
Thank you for sharing your story too! I’ve never colored my hair either outside the unfortunate run-in with sun-in one summer.
YES!!!! Thank you for influencing things that MATTER — I LOVED this post. You are the loveliest!
Thank YOU for giving me the 411 on coloring your hair last year. That was so helpful to know!
So much wisdom here! I’m 54 and have been slowly graying for about 10 years. My lovely hairstylist calls them my “highlights” ?. I love that.
I love that! I think I’m going to adopt the term “highlights” too.
I refer to my grey hairs as intelligence highlights! This post came to me at a perfect time. I just stopped the dye!
Absolutely loved reading this blog post!! Perfect timing for me. Thank you ladies!?
This is very timely for me. I stopped highlighting my hair last spring to let nature take it’s course. I am definitely in the awkward growing-out stage. It’s encouraging to hear from each of you. Thank you.
The in between stage is so hard, being neither here nor there. I sorta wish it would just all turn at once. I guess there’s something to learn about sitting in the middle.
Love this! Thank you so much for having an honest conversation about this. This is very helpful and encouraging! 🙂
Thank you for joining in and being here!
This is a lovely article. I’ve had grey hairs since I was 18 and have never wanted to dye them. I also have short hair, so I guess I was already bucking the “norm.” My beautiful mom has never dyed her hair and has an amazing grey and white blend, so I’ve always looked forward to following her example.
I LOVE this!