Before we start talking about grey hair, because I’m greying at what feels like lightening speed, I want to tell you why I’m really talking about grey hair. Because I almost quit blogging in January. Maybe I can attribute the influx to that? I joked about it with Kev and friends for a while. I was trying the idea on, hearing what it sounded like outside my head. It soon became a conversation we were having on the weekly. I’ve already mentioned I’m calling this year “The Year of the Pivot” because something has to change. Mostly because I feel like a plastic bag stuck to a branch in the backyard. “Look, guys, it’s a white fox! Oh no, it’s just a plastic bag. Wait, no, it’s a snow owl. There’s a snow owl in our backyard! Oh, shoot, it’s really just a plastic bag. Hold on, I think it might actually be…” No, it’s the wind blowing a white plastic bag into a thousand different shapes. It’s just a plastic bag. I’m just a plastic bag.
“You know who you are,” Kev reminds me during the 12th iteration of the same conversation. “Be that.” But as blogging has continued to change at the speed of my hair color, so have the expectations, requirements, and ownership. I’ve tried to be everything for everyone, a Mighty Morphing Power Ranger. Of course that’s not healthy. So I’m navigating back towards healthier waters to prevent myself from prematurely jumping off the ship. I’m practicing being a plastic bag, and saying no to anything that makes me look like a snow owl, or a rabbit, or whatever next shape the wind blows. To preserve myself and this space, I want to make sure I’m talking about the things that matter most to me, because those are still the things I love reading most. (PS—I’ve added ads back on my site to support this shift. Thank you for understanding.)
But before you think too highly of me, here’s what’s on my mind these days. My hair! My first grey hair showed up in my mid-twenties. I plucked it out because it wasn’t my hair. Now it is my hair. And it’s in that awkward stage where it appears that most of the new growth is grey. Five inch grey hairs are smattered in between the deep dark long brown hairs. It feels a little unkempt, even for me who spends such little energy on her hair.
I always thought I would grey naturally until I started to grey naturally. I’d love to rock the all grey look one day, but what do you do in the meantime? How are you greying or planning to grey? Do you have low maintenance tips for someone who’s never dyed their hair (me)? Do I need to add a new line item to the budget? I’d love to hear your thoughts and perspective on greying. If you’d like to chime in about your perspective as a reader of blogs—what you like and dislike—I’d love to hear that too. Thank you for being here and for sharing a little bit of your life with mine.
I’m 55 years old so greying isn’t unnatural. I too thought I’d go grey naturally. Hair dying is just too laborious.
I’ve also thought of the grey hair as natural highlights. I’ve tried semi-permanent color to see if the grey would look like highlights. I chose semi permanent because I wouldn’t end up with roots as the color washes out over time. Next, I’m going to try henna. Just want to see if I can change things up once in a while without getting married to a schedule of touching up roots.
I’m 54 now. I started growing out my grey hair and quit dying at 50. I went ash blond to help with the growing out process. Used some purple shampoo and had lots of help from my stylist. Sometimes I’d put in some chunks to help the transition and not look abandoned. I wasn’t sure how my grey would look but figured if I didn’t like it I would add some grey dying to make it look like a nice grey. My natural grey was nicer than I expected so I do no dying anymore. I have some natural streaks. I wear a short bob and make sure that I get a cut every 8 weeks to keep it looking well groomed. I’m so happy that I did it. I think that it is great that more mature women are leaving the dye behind and celebrating the age they are. 🙂 I save lots of money now too! Hair dying in the salon is expensive!
The metaphor with the plastic bag and change is an amazing one. I am going to use it in my conversations in the future. Thank you for sharing such a great opinion. I am 30 years old and my hair is partly grey. However, I found online that there is a treatment that might help your cells to produce pigment again. Sounds like a miracle to me but I am not sure how helpful it will be for our mind to know that we are ageing but it is not visible. I am almost sure that I want to wear everywhere with me my grey hair and my scars when I become older. What do you think? should we turn back time or just be happy wha it is?
This is an easy one for me! I started greying at age 22. Dyed my hair until age 40 (at the expense of much time and money) and at age 40 decided to let it go. Luckily, the great gal that dyed my hair had wisely been slowly lightening my hair for years, so my grey now looked like highlights. It’s now been a little over 3 years and I promise you, I’ve gotten WAY more compliments on my hair since I started letting it go, than I ever did when I was still covering the grey-plus now I have more time AND money! Win-win.
Clairol Natural Instincts Dark Warm Brown. It is semi permanent color, so it doesn’t totally cover the gray, but covers them enough so they look like highlights. It is cheap, pretty easy, and not as damaging as permanent color. I have a ton of gray in my dark brown hair and this works for me. I get tons of compliments on my color, FWIW. Good luck!
Liquid Henna to the rescue !
I am not going grey yet…but I have the mousiest ash brown hair which makes me look tired etc. Being ever so aware of the toxins in regular hair dye having been a blond in another lifetime…I tried powdered henna which was a complete mess and pain in the ass. Then I discovered “Surya Brazil Cream Henna” and never looked back. I love the stuff! every 2 to 3 weeks I apply for an hour with a plastic bag and knit cap over my hair and, voilå ! beautiful chestnut brown hair with little to no toxic substance depending on the color you choose.
Inspired by British Vogue editor Sarah Harris’ gorgeous grey tresses! They inspired a lovely article about them here: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/ive-had-grey-hair-since-i-was-16/
I have dark brown hair, and I got my first grey one in high school. For the longest time I pulled it out just because it didn’t really match, but now in my late thirties I have dozens of them and I think they look beautiful. I call them my “natural highlights.” 🙂
It’s OK to color your hair if that will truly make you feel happier, but keep in mind that age is a state of mind. We look as old as we feel, not the other way around.
It’s not grey. It’s wisdom glitter.
… I am an attorney, so grey is bonus in my world.
I love this. Wisdom glitter.
Me too and it is UNATTRACTIVE, this in-between zonked out crazy gray invasion. So, I have realized a LIFELONG DREAM and b/c I’m old enough and finally have just enough disposable income to squeeze out a little extra money for getting colored at a salon: I WENT BLUE. Like, Wonder Woman in the comic books blue. It’s perfect on the grays, b/c with my dark brown hair, the grays are the only ones that pick up the blue, the rest just goes dark. I buy dark blue Nutrisse at CVS, and my dear colorist charges me less than the salon color would be (b/c they don’t have a permanent blue), and I don’t go through the bleach process and it’s really fun. I know myself, I would NEVER go through the hassle of doing it at home. I feel like I look a bazillion times better, and it’s fun to sometimes catch the blue color, esp in some bright sun. 🙂 Maybe, if I ever get tired of the blue I’ll try one of the other colors like violet or auburn. Grays are a now a free bleach for me!!!
Oh my goodness! It seems like people put a lot of unnecessary pressure on themselves. Keep it simple girlfriend and do whatever makes you feel good, because you’re worth it and because we all know that life is full of times we don’t get to do that. Gray looks awesome. If you like it, then go with it. If you don’t, then color it. After all, you only get one crack at this life, and you should fill it with as much joy as possible!
As for the line item…I have a great stylist and she allowed me to do something called a “paint and go”. You see for me, the problem was 1/2 financial and 1/2 time that I didn’t have to sit around every few months at the salon. So I go in and get my roots painted and then my stylist tells me what time to wash it. I leave (color still in) and go home to take care of “stuff” while it sets…maybe whip up some zucchini bread or return some emails. Then, I wash my hair when it’s time and I’m good to go. Only 15 minutes and half the cost.
Good luck and have fun with whatever you decide!
I started seeing some greys in my late 30’s, and a few years later, it was just too much. There were too many grey hairs in my dark brown hair, and it was washing me out. But I hated the idea of hair dye, because I was worried about the chemicals. So I have been using the henna blocks from LUSH. They work really well, and they stain the greys a reddish tint. So they look like highlights. I love it!
I started going grey at 12! By the time I was in my early 30’s I was colouring my hair at home every 2 weeks.
Then I decided to go blond .. 7 hours in the hairdressers later … then I started colouring it at home and got lighter and lighter until I stopped.. and not even my husband noticed!
I am sort of ash blond grey and have only had kind comments… except my mother in law who told me I was too young to let myself go! .. I’ve just turned 39, and haven’t coloured my hair since July 2017.
My advice on gray hair is, do it yourself for as long as possible. You know how when you watch TV, and you can tell when the actors dyed their hair, because the hair is all the same color? It sounds like you could do root touch up. Then you keep the depth range of your original color. And the Magic Root Cover Up is great for in between the touch up. Good luck! 🙂
leave it! it’s just grey hair. i had my first grey hair at 16 and now, 23 years later they look like grey highlights (i also have brown hair). people talk to me all the time about my hair and tell me never to dye it. i actually can not imagine the maintenance it would take to hide it. i think you just get used to it and realize its not actually a big deal. one of my closest friends and my partner are almost completely grey as well (we are all the same age of 39). we’ve all just decided to accept it because why not? whatever you do will be the right choice for you but you can totally rock grey hair and still look youthful and beautiful 🙂
Brand new reader for the first time. Read a years worth of magazines this weekend while my whole family fights colds and pink eye… saw you there. Then while poking around on blogs Inpired by Charm recommended your book which the world “minimalist” caught my attention. Realizing both were you I landed here. Anyway, LOVE the plastic bag analogy and relate to it so deeply. Second, invest in a good pair of tweezers. You can keep grays at bay for many years just pulling those suckers out!!
Follow @grombre on Instagram. Women from all over post inspiring pics during their transitions!
yes to both the grey and the quitting of blogging. It was weird to be part of this career as it hit such a peak and then die off. It made it feel like it was a long term deal, a real success story, only to change with trends and media as things do, which is fair. My/our age doesn’t help that feel better (“crap! I’m 33! I’m supposed to be doing whatever it is I’m doing now and saving and earning and whatever!”). It’s weird. I am close to quitting too.
As for the greys, I added the line item. I’m not ready to go naturally and I have brown hair too so they are hard to cover up. Highlights didn’t do too much to blend them. I need the full root color situation every 8ish weeks. I will say that you’re beautiful and darling and every time I see someone our age rocking the greys, I am inspired by them, for whatever that is worth.
dont quit <3 keep being you. glad kev has things handled on that end 🙂 I got my first grey hair at 19 0_0 I am not in complete denial but i have not embraced it either. I have light chocolate brown hair and i get some light strands of caramel blended in with my greys so they arent too obvious but they are still there. I feel like it makes the transition a little less harsh and me feel a little less like a 50yr old when im 30.
I moved to another country 3 years ago and since then I have gotten a lot of gray hair. I don’t worry about it in the least because I have never dyed my hair because I don’t want those chemicals seeping into my skin! Have you seen Carmella Rayone’s post on going gray? You might get some tips there.
Also, as for blogging, I think every blog I follow has had this type of post this year! I am not a blogger so I’m not sure what y’all are talking about ,but blogging seems to not be the same . Nowadays it seems you have to have a perfect designer home that you change every season to be noticed. It makes me sad that it has changed so very quickly. I hope you will continue to blog however it works for you!
I decided that I didn’t prioritize spending money and time on hair dye. Besides, people younger than me are dying their hair in weird shades of grey now. If fashion dictates that, I guess this is a trend I can follow? My first grey was at 18.
Melissa! Every few months I stop by this blog to catch up on your posts. I’m always blown away by how far you’ve come and how much you’ve achieved. Whatever you choose to do with your blog, I hope you don’t give it up just yet. Best wishes from your former colleague from Chicago 🙂
I love this post sooooo much. And obviously others do, too! I’ll admit it: when I saw the post headline I thought, wow, how is Melissa going to work sponsored content on hair color into her site?! But it’s just so refreshing and nice to be able to talk about something that’s actually on our minds rather than having to fashion a post out of, say, crackers because it’s what pays the bills. Anyway, love it, love you, can’t wait for the book, hope we get to meet in real life this year xoxoxoxo P.S. GRAYING HERE, TOO!
I hope this is our year to meet IRL too! And also the year for making blogging great again. I miss the old days. I’m so thankful to be able to work for myself doing what I love (I know you know this feeling), but there has to be a way to do this better—not to be a billboard and to be able to focus on doing a couple things well rather than everything. I heard this not long ago—if you’re life is too busy, it probably means it’s out of control. That was/is the perfect description of my work life. Well, now I’m rambling. All that to say, I hope this year brings some healthier changes/answers.
I’m in the same boat with gray hairs! I think it’s the curse of a brunette. I do some balayage highlights to blend it in, nothing intense or too contrasts, and just have a toner on that (I am lucky my best friend is a stylist), but I haven’t dyed it. I’m
Still not 100% on what I will do with it.
I have been in the same boat with blogging and trying to just “do me” as the kids say (haha). We may have had this conversation before even! It’s hard to keep your head down and focus on what feels right for you with all the “should I be…” feelings out there. I think refocusing on the parts that you love will reflect in your content. Good luck, gf!
Try Style Edit Root Concealer spray! Quick, easy, affordable, and good for spot coverage. Part your hair, hold a few inches away from your head and spray away the grey. You might see some color transfer on hands/under fingernails if you scratch your head or touch the area repeatedly…even after it dries…but it is a small price to pay.
I’ll try to be brief. After observing many attractive women with gray hair, I realized that I didn’t, one day, want to be a 75 year old with dark brown hair, because that would be ‘unbelievable’. Growing out the dye took a full year, but wasn’t as bad as I thought, because hair grows at different speeds. The line was jig-jaggedy which was more forgiving. I recommend a ‘blue’ shampoo to keep the silvers cool and not yellow-y. I also found this book to be invaluable in taking the plunge: Going Gray: How to Embrace Your Authentic Self with Grace and Style https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316166626/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_I1-LAbGBY28VX. All this being said, you should do what feels right for you. It’s your head.
Oh yeah, lastly, I get complimented on my hair on a regular basis. Women say, “I would go gray if I knew it would look like your’s.”. Good luck!
So i cover my hair and wear hijab but I have some degree of anxiety about this too. I used to be able to wear the loosey goosey Head scarves that casually float on ones head but now due to most of my bangs growing in gray I can’t keep up with it and feel self conscious with some hair showing. Weird right? Because I cover my hair one would think I’d be less vain. It really bothers me when I look at myself gray, which happened expeditiously over the last two years due to my divorce. I feel better by dyeing the roots myself between salon visits. I too plan on going all gray some day? Just not yet. Thanks for the thought provoking post.
I’m 52, have been dying my hair to cover grey since I was 28. Right now I have to dye it about every 3-4 weeks and I do it at home to avoid the cost of the salon. I have to say, not a day goes by where i don’t think about growing the grey in. I’m at the point where dyeing it feels unauthentic and 90% of the time I wish I had never started dyeing it all. My advice would be to put it off as long as you can before starting.
Welcome to the gray club! You can do the temporary dye for cheap until your gray coverage looks good. I’m mostly gray but haven’t had the courage to stop dying mine yet. I’m only 35 and worry going gray will turn me 65 overnight, even though I started graying in middle school (no joke).
Gray aside, I’m so happy that you haven’t given up on blogging. I can’t be alone that I’m tired of reading blogs where every post is sponsored and every Instagram story is ‘swipe up to buy’. I know even bloggers have to earn a living, but there has to be a happy medium between earning a living and alienating your readers. Your authenticity is a rarity among larger blogs these days and a breath of fresh air for us readers.
It’s taken me a while to catch on, but when my grey’s decide to glare back at me in the mirror instead of feeling like a sparkly halo, there’s usually something deeper I’m struggling thru… usually a struggle that no amount of hair dye will fix. My words of advise: let those grey’s be who and what they are as you navigate your way thru what you want your blog to be and represent. Ask yourself why you started and continued blogging in the first place, what did you once love about it? Could you love that still?
You write a beautiful blog, which I have greatly enjoyed. Don’t lose yourself and your enjoyment over the trends the blogging world presses for. Just be you.
I love that you wrote this post because I’ve been experiencing the same things! Do I dye my hair because the greys have infiltrated more than ever this year? Does anyone read my blog? I hear you and it’s a real struggle. I just did low light and highlights to “hide” my greys. I gave my hairdresser strict instructions, “get rid of them!” but she insisted that “I’m not there yet” and told me to hold off from the higher maintenance single process which would show my new growth of greys like a streak across my scalp. She focused a lot of the highlights to cover my greys in front where I can see them and it’s better. I wonder how much longer I can keep up this charade though. It’s only a matter of time until I go single process with highlights…. Good luck with the changes. xx
I’m 38 years old and have naturally red hair that has never been colored. With two young children, the greys have started coming in quicker and quicker. When I pull my hair into a ponytail all I see are the streaks behind my ears that are turning white, which wasn’t the case even six months ago! ? My mom recently said to me “you’re earning every single one of those grey hairs,” and it made me remember that I’m working hard and doing things I love for my family, and maybe the greys aren’t so bad. My mom also reminded me that no one will ever be able to match my color, and that once I start I won’t be able to stop, but that’s my mom for you. At least the Minnesota winter weather gives us a chance to wear hats a few months a year!
Hello Melissa! Please keep blogging and realize that evolution happens in most endeavors after growing pains and reality checks!
To color or not to color is completely up to you!
I get my color professionally done once a year and color at home in the interim. As I get older so many physical changes are happening that are out of my control! I don feel older on the inside, I have earned my “smile lines” and am pretty damn strong. The one thing I love is having hair that still approximates the hair I have had my whole life and that makes me feel like the young woman I feel like on the inside.
Someone once told me that gray hair is the sign of a life well-lived! At 55 I probably have a different perspective than most who have commented. I highlight and lowlight and still those pesky gray hairs show when I pull my hair back or just tuck it behind my ears. And when I look in the mirror and see them, I smile…yepp! … a life well-lived.
I pluck mine. I don’t know or even care if that’s bad, I’m only 32 and I’m not ready to look older haha. But I have the same new growth problem; they seem to be mostly grey, and it’s sad. I like my natural brown and I don’t want to lose it by dying it. Plus I don’t want to spend the money on it either. As for the blogging, I think when people do what they don’t want because they have to, people notice. I also think that when people do what they want because they want to, people notice. I say be you and do what makes you happy. Life is too hard and too short for anything less anyway.
Love this conversation! I started going grey at 16 and 20 years later, I’m over 50% grey. I started highlighting in my early-20s and now have to all-over dye every 4 weeks and grow out is SUPER obvious (I’ve been on pre-natal vitamins forever now so my hair grows crazy fast). Honestly, I hate how much maintenance it is. HATE! I’m really low maintenance and frugal in general so monthly upkeep is just not me. I’ve considered starting the process of going natural using temporary dyes but haven’t pulled the trigger. I’ve always been a brunette and I think I’m holding onto that. Anyway, my only advice: dying grey hairs is a slippery slope that keeps getting slippery-er as you get more grey. Part of me wishes I never dyed it!
This is a great article:
Working to Disarm Women’s Anti-Aging Demon https://nyti.ms/2yVzn54
On blogging…I mentioned to you last week at the Wedge Table event that I’ve been reading your blog since you lived in Chicago. I truly enjoy reading food (and design) related blogs, and am always on the lookout for something new that will “click” with me, I don’t “subscribe” to blogs because I feel, if the content is right for me, I’ll naturally remember to go back to them. All that to say, that I generally check in here two to three times a week just to see what’s new. While the local aspect at this point probably plays a part, I find your voice and content (food, design, and otherwise) really refreshing in a sea of blogs that are quite interchangeable. While I am by no means a minimalist, I like things simple, I like (mostly) whole foods (including pizza!), I like real people. In the years I’ve read your words, you seem to hit all three marks.
On greying…oh boy. I’m 40 and a brunette who has never colored (save for one *really* bad incident in college). For me, it has always come down to the fact that there are other things that I would rather squeeze into my budget. (Not to say I won’t change my mind some day.) At this point what gets me the most about my silvers isn’t the quantity, but the fact that while my brown hair has always been stick straight, my new growth is coming in with crazy kinks! Maybe that’s what I get for years of coveting curls. 🙂
Regarding going grey, I’m probably no help as I’ve been plucking the few white hairs that have been popping up at my crown. They have been increasing in number so hopefully I don’t pluck that part of my head bald!
Regarding blogging, it was refreshing to hear you say that you considered leaving. I run a blog as a hobby and my poor husband has had to sit through many conversations where I talk about my love/hate relationship with it. There is solace in knowing that someone as successful as you also comes across the same issues.
That said, I’ve always admired what you do from the heartfelt posts, thoughts on minimalism, and great recipes to the expert photography and beautiful branding. Your approach with sponsors also seems genuine and I love how you do long-term partnerships instead of a ton of one-off posts.
Also, can I give you a digital high five for your stories?! They are so fun and helpful.
Anyhow, just a big fan gushing about how much I love your blog and sending some words of encouragement! Keep up the great blogging!
I am aa blonde that color treats my hair, and that is how I have overcome the grey. Color. 🙁 So I am not much help in that department. However, at 40 there are other changes happening that I can relate to what you are feeling. You end up thinking and talking about it more than you would like. And honestly it’s stressful. Now wise words of wisdom, but I do understand the emotional aspect of it.
As for your blog — I am “newish” reader, but have fallen in love with you and your content. I can understand as a blogger the “worldly” perspective that you need to do and/be something you aren’t. My encouragement is to just stay true to YOU. The readers will follow that, because that’s the best any blogger can put out there. Their passions and interests are what will always bring the best content. Keep up the great work. And hang in there! 🙂
I found my first grey hair at 27. Then I used to have my husband pull the grey out from the back of my head, then I realized how ridiculous that was. Coloring it wasn’t bad at first, but the more grey that was coming in, the more it resisted the hair dye and it was a pain to keep up, so I let it go. Now I’m 40 and I embrace the grey a little better. Every now and then when I complain about the grey, my husband reminds me to not worry about the grey and be happy that I have hair (he’s bald!)!
Melissa as a blogger myself and a reader I can relate wholeheartedly to your sentiments. Approaching 10 years of blogging and times are changing rapidly but on the bright side that’s forcing us to think more about ourselves, focus on the goal, push aside the noise and truly define yourself even if it’s a snow owl 😉 And at 42 I decided 18 months ago to stop highlights and go grey naturally, it’s the most liberating (and cheapest) and it’s who I am so I’ve decided to own it. From one MN momma to another we are here for each other.
I’m 37 and lots of white hair on the top of my head and on temples (= where you can see them better;)) and have been dying my hair for 7-8 years.
I’ve tried henna (brown from Lush) and it was pretty natural because it covered a bit the white hair and it faded away gradually (no visible regrowth) but it was a mess: from preparing it, to the long leave-on time, I used it for a couple for years and then I moved to hair dye.
Me, my mother and my sister apply hair dye one to another (we use the same hairdressers use) , but even the grocery store worked (L’oreal, Garnier).
Lately I’ve been a bit fed up with dying and regrowth (especially because I’ve got brown hair and you can see it so much), but until I’m fully white I think I’ll dye my hair.
Thank you so much for sharing this! Honestly. What a great reminder of the “little” anxieties we all share – I have dark brown hair and noticed my first gray hairs at 16 or so… I have been plucking/mitigating them ever since (I’m 26 now). I haven’t dyed them (save for a brief lapse in judgment in the form of highlights my junior year of college), but I do find that they tend to be more noticeable or grow in faster in the winter. Take B12, they say… It’s all genetics, the others say. I know I pay more attention to the grays in times of stress, so that has become a good barometer for me. It’s a good check-in. And I’m right there with you on the “fading beauty” anxiety. But to hear so many other women who are dealing with the same issue… there’s no way thay some gray hairs define our place in the world or act as a measure of our beauty. I am just happy to know that I am not alone – thank you to all the women who shared their stories – what a comfort 🙂
I’m a brunette and I’ve had some gray hairs since my late 20s (now 37) and they all seem to congregate in the most obvious spot- right around my forehead. I love a woman who can rock a natural gray mane, but that’s WAY down the road for me. Right now with 2 young kids I feel like the grays are prematurely aging me and I’m just not ready to go all natural. So I get my roots dyed and add some super subtle highlights to help hide new growth between appointments.
If you’re not ready for dye try a powder root cover up- lasts a couple days, easy to apply, and you don’t have the cost or commitment of dying it. You could try it and see how covering those grays makes you feel- may help decide if you’re really ready to leave it alone or color it?
It’s kind of a slippery slope though, my grays are now more stubborn and I’m getting it colored more frequently. But I keep my beauty routine simple and it makes me happy so I’m sticking with it for now!
Hope that helps!
I’m nearly 43. My first gray appeared just after 40 and they are steadily appearing in greater quantities. I haven’t ever been one to color my hair because I don’t want the maintenance involved nor the cost. Whenever I mention the idea coloring my hair to my husband, he kindly says, “Just grow old gracefully with me. “ I’m sure your husband thinks the same. 🙂
Graying is tough. I want to do it gracefully and be like Emmylou Harris, Helouise, Zoe, etc…. But the fact is they are untidy buggers. And it seems they only like to creep in enough to ruin the color of my hair instead of coming in beautiful streaks of silver. Ugh! They just flatten the look rather than highlight anything. My first ten years of fighting gray was coloring. Then more started to show up and at a quicker rate…so now I’m trying highlighting in an ash blonde…I haven’t struck on it yet. So I’m interested what you discover. Please share!
I’ve got a lot of years on you, so my ability to just ride with it probs isn’t what you want to hear ? I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t excited about going silver or white (but never grey). I know, I’m a weirdo!! My grandmother had a head of fabulous silver hair (she started early, in her 30’s) and was stunning! Seriously stunning. My sweet father had a wonderful head of white hair and was so handsome. My mother turned 89 this month and her hair only just started greying around 80!! She never colored it. Go figure. I do know covering it, well so it isn’t obvious, is pricy. Home jobs are hard to do well. One of my older gets her hair done. She said you have be regimental about it.
All that said though, I do think it’s important to feel good about what happens to you as you age. It happens to all of us. Lol. But it’s isn’t always easy. I just hit 55 and some days are harder than others, so if you want to cover your greys now, go for it! You gotta feel good in your skin.
As for your blog dilemma, I cannot imagine what it takes to do what you do and raise your daughter. It’s impressive. I could not have done it while raising my three. I am glad you didn’t quit, and I admire you for stepping back and taking stock. I enjoy your blog.
Melissa, I’m gonna keep it simple!
Never stop blogging, I’ve been a silent reader in your space for a few years and I consider you a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere, where it seems like the majority is following instead of leading.
On the other hand:
I’ve been staring at my gray beard hair for weeks wondering if it was worth dying…but I think 33 with some salt in my pepper isn’t the worst of things. Though I know this struggle is completely different the other sex. And I believe, if anyone could rock some gray hair, it would be you! It would pair with your aesthetic nicely. 🙂
Charles! I had no idea you were on the other side of the screen! I can’t tell you how much it means that you come here. Thank you for your words, friend!
I’m probably 50% grey at 46 years old. I debated daily for almost 5 years in my early 40’s about dying it, but I just couldn’t commit to the upkeep and expense. I no longer worry about it, I guess I’m content to just be who I am.
I thought you’d like to read this: http://www.carmellarayone.com/blog/2018/1/17/going-gray-or-shall-we-say-silver-white?rq=grey
Thanks for the link to this article as I have also been contemplating this change. I am 53 and color my 75% grey every 3 weeks. I spend an incredibly obscene amount of money and I have always justified it ‘because I will never be grey’. My ‘word’ (big eye roll) for this year is balance. Spending 2.5 hours every 3 weeks in a salon doesn’t feel like balance to me. Accepting the changes in my body while striving to be the best I can be feels more like balance and I’ve been questioning if accepting the color of my hair is a more important part of that than I have previously exhibited. I personally would be interested in seeing more photos and articles about how women navigate this process. Not just skunk stripes to punctuate the process but helpful ‘this is how I did it’ information as caremellarayone’s article.
Melissa, (I am also a Melissa!) I would be inauthentic to say ‘just stay natural’ because I did not choose that path 20 years ago. However, my 2018 53 yo self would not start coloring my hair. I would ask myself to be gracious and accepting of the aging process. As long as your decision comes from you, it is the right one. Lean into it. Love your blog.
Oh, the greys. I started going grey in my early 20s, and at 34 now, they’re becoming really noticeable. For me, the part I struggle with most is the difference in texture. My dark brown hair is naturally super straight, but these new greys are frizzy and wirey. Doing my hair definitely takes more time and heat treatments (blow dry & brush or straighten) to calm them down.
That said, I’m sticking with going grey for now. I usually only get in for a cut once every 3-4 months, so I doubt my ability to keep up with the maintence. Plus, it’s so darn expensive. But the real kicker for me is the toxicity. From what I’ve read, hair color (even the “green” ones) generally contains some of the most toxic chemicals out there, and I just don’t want to put that on my body for years and years. I have recently read about a product called hairprint, which sounds intriguing, though. It apparently reactivates the natural pigments in dark hair, bringing it back to your original hair color. Some reviews have said the application is a pain, but I think if I were ever to try something different, that would probably be the way I’d go first. In the meantime, I’m just investing a little more in products and tools, hoping it helps me keep things looking healthy.
Some other bloggers I follow have recently blogged about deciding to go natural, too. If you’re looking for other perspectives, maybe check out Whoorl or Carmella Rayone.
Melissa! Be the beautiful you from your inside out! Continue to be the mom that Hal will look up to. I started coloring my hair 15 years ago. I used a red shade to cover the grey that I hah since I was 18. I already had shade of red in my hair and so it worked with my complexion. In September, I was so tired of the coloring every 5-6 weeks that I decided to let my ‘silver’ come through. I won’t go back! I love it. (Coloring was probably the only chemical that I still knowingly put in my healthy body). Believe it or not, my memory has improved, the wave and curl and body have returned to my hair and the compliments, well they keep coming. Do what feels right to you, you will always shine in my book.?
I’m sensitive to chemicals also! In fact, I’ve only gotten my hair dyed twice but both times I really felt off for weeks afterward, even though they did allergy testing ahead of time. I decided after the last time it’s not worth it – going to let the grey shine through. The good news is that I *think* I’m a whitish grey kinda gal 😉 Thanks for the conversation Melissa!
Ok, I have to weigh in on this. I’m a little older – mid 50’s, and have been dyeing my hair to cover grey fo the past I don’t know how many years. One day last year I just got really tired of the time and expense. (2-3 hours in the salon every 4-5 weeks at about $125 per visit!). So now I’m trying to grow it out. It’s not an easy process and I’m still going to the salon monthly for highlights, lowlights, and overall color to try to get from medium brown (about your color) to probably 80% grey without a weird grow out line. I’m so looking forward to the process being complete. And to all the things I can do with the money saved! Travel! More barre classes! And maybe even some filler – so I don’t look too old ?.
I’m in your age range as well, the grays can’t be disguised as “highlights” really, can they? Someone told me about MyHairprint, which is a coloring process for brown hair that is made from natural ingredients. I paid for the first time, since then I receive a kit in the mail at whatever interval I want and I can do it myself. It reaches into the scalp and “finds” your original color and gets you back to that, no smell, but somewhat messy. I wasn’t thrilled with the mousy brown/dirty blonde I had in high school, but I’m not ready for the gray. I give up a couple of hours on a weekend every other month to get it done, but I’m very pleased with the results.
Highlights and lowlights are a great way to blend the grey, cover it a bit, but not have a super solid line of new growth in between hair appointments. You can also get away with doing it a lot less often, like maybe 3 times a year? And still look pretty polished. Just make sure it’s fairly subtle. Looking at your picture, I would suggest a partial foil (meaning most of the top of your head) done with color, not lightener (aka bleach) with 30V developer and a level 6/7. But of course, a good colorist will guide you in making that decision.
If you jump into the all-over-solid coverage commitment, you will have super noticeable roots every 3-6 weeks, and it will be more of a bear to manage when you want to switch back to a natural/all-grey look.
Credentials: Chicago hairstylist
Good luck!
I’ve been thinking about quitting a lot lately. I’m not sure I’m delivering enough value anymore on my blog and I’m having trouble keeping up. I often feel like a stubborn old lady, resisting change, and then I suffer the consequences because I let things like recipe plugin get old and I fail to keep up with the trends. My blog suffers because of it. I feel like I’m not doing anything right these days and I feel like I’m being pushed towards video and such, but all I want to do is keep my blog simple. I’m rambling… sorry! All that to say, you are not alone! I wish I had words of advice to share, but I dont right now. I can say that I love reading your blog and following you on Instagram. I plan on ordering your book. I hope to one day be as organized as you and as design-savvy. So, you are full of inspiration even if you don’t see that. You are!!!
I am 34 and dealing with a similar situation, hair-wise. I decided to dye my hair for awhile in preparation for my wedding in 2016, but stopped immediately afterwards because if there’s one thing that made me feel older than having gray hair, was having GRAY ROOTS. It looked horrible and made me so much more self conscious than just embracing my gray hair. I, like you, had never dyed my hair before, so it just felt unnatural to me, aside from the expense, upkeep, etc.
I have a lot of white hairs (39) and I’ve always known it was my hair destiny – my mom was totally white by the time she was 40. I used to dye my hair, but not because it was grey, because I liked to play around with color and my look. But about 5-7 years ago (can’t remember how long it’s really been) I realized that if I kept dyeing my hair I’d end up battling the the white skunk stripe and I’m way too low maintenance for that.
To be honest I have had lots of days that I struggled with how my hair looked. I worried that it washed me out, made me look old, that it just looked mousy and sad. But I think I’m over that now. I occasionally asked the girl who cuts my hair if she though I should dye it or get highlights. She reminded my that I only manage to get in for a cut twice a year and realistically I’d never be able to keep up regular color appointments.
I get lots of compliments on my hair. I’ve even been asked who does the color. If you’re willing to embrace it, or willing to work on embracing it, I encourage you to let your hair go grey naturally. I think it’s recently become more and more “acceptable” to not dye over the grey hair. I overheard a woman in the gym locker room ask another woman about her grey hair and her wish to go natural. Join us 🙂
I love your hair, you look georgeous, and you gave me inspiration to keep my grays that way, sometimes we need models like you to embrace our natural beauty
Ah this is so relatable! I’m only 25 and can already count like 17 grey hairs (yes I do search and count the every other night, I know it’s crazy)! I’ve also never dyed my hair and am not in position to shell out a few hundred dollars to cover it up, though I don’t think it’s at that point yet. Let us know what you decide to do!
On another note – I’m about to start my own blog, I’m not trying to make it my sole source of income or anything by any means, but what advice would you have for new bloggers? I’ve been reading lots of my favorite ones that have been around a while (like you!) and it seems like the burn out is real and happening everywhere! I really appreciate how real and authentic you write!
I, too, started graying early and began coloring my hair around age 25. By the time I was 42 I was more than 50% gray and paying $125 every 6 weeks to maintain a “natural” color of brown base and highlights/lowlights, not to mention the 2-3 hours lost to the salon chair. I grew out my natural gray and stylist highlights it every 3 months with lavender highlights and I love it! Minimal maintenance, I still feel relevant, and I get compliments daily.
I am so not ready to go grey……unless it’s that beautiful silvery white grey and I don’t have to go through the growing out stage. I also have dark hair and you see it the minute it starts to grow in. I’m at the point I have to colour every 4wks. The last week if I am feeling to self conscious about it or have something to do that I want to avoid the skunk line….I use the L’Oreal colour spray. It is like liquid gold!! Just spray a little on that white stuff and boom…..it’s gone ( of course it washes out so I use it only when I feel I ‘need’ to ). If you want to grown out your grey I heard that starting to lighten your hair all over to a blonde/silver helps hide the real growth until it is fully your own natural hair.
I’m another early greyer! I think I was 16 when I first noticed. I’ve pulled them, dyed them, let them go… for a couple years my sweet husband henna-ed it for me, which made me also have reddish streaks. IDK. I feel like it doesn’t matter at all, but it matters at the same time. Currently dying the hair myself with a natural-ish product from thrive market.
And on blogging, I think it’s honestky hard to know you’re a plastic bag. Some people grew up with reliable mirrors, some people didn’t, so it’s super easy to hear someone reflect back to you, You’re an airplane!, and think maybe it’s true. So the fact that you’ve figured that part out means you’re already over the biggest hurdle. Rooting for you! You’ll stick to what fits you. Happy to read along.
Honestly, I used to be super low maintenance about my hair as well, but in the last year or so I’ve embraced the regular dye jobs. It’s still my hair, just a little bit richer, super shiny, and sans stray gray hairs.
I take a book to the salon, drink a big mug of green tea, and relish the un-plugged time. No looking at my phone, answering emails, worrying about work. A true 60-90 min of just focusing on a great book and chit-chatting with my stylist. Plus, having your hair washed and blow dried is so luxurious – it might be my love language.
That being said. It is sort of an expensive addition to the budget.
I’m 31 and right there with you. Although, every hair that I’ve noticed is WHITE. I have mousy brown hair so I feel like they don’t stick out that much but I have said my entire life that I am just going to go natural. Do I know if that will be the case in a year when there are 40 more? No clue. I truly hope I can just roll with it. I feel like when you have long hair that is white or gray, it doesn’t age you as much so that gives me hope. Also, Pinteresting pictures helps! I don’t want to start dyeing my hair and have the skunk situation my mom gets!
I hear you – I’m a pretty new blogger, but I’ve gone through that “so, what am I” existential crisis more than once. I finally realized that the super authentic voice is not my voice and that I prefer to weave humor into my content. In terms of blogs I like to read – those with a clear voice and gorgeous photos (like yours! And Molly Yeh’s, and this blogger SheEats.ca that I just recently discovered) win. And, heck yeah bring the ads back. No shame in that at all.
Oh, and regarding the greys… they’ve been taking over my head too. I dye my hair darker relatively frequently but am considering going blonde (or violet, or rose) to cover them up in a different way. Once there are enough of them, maybe I’ll just go full on silver, like Tan on the new Queer Eye.
I am right there with you (on blogging AND grey hair)! I often feel sort of overwhelmed at how to authentically share and contribute to the online world (which I love and find so much inspiration in) while at the same time feeling anxious and fearful about what that actually means. And the hair…I’ve done a little bit of everything: I’ve dyed my dark brown hair, highlighted and balayage. I haven’t loved any of it and the grey just keeps coming!! ?
I started graying in my mid-20s and really held out on doing anything about it because I wanted to age naturally and I’m a very low maintenance kinda gal. But I kept getting lots of negative comments about it from everyone – friends, family, strangers. After having a baby this past year, I didn’t feel really great about myself and decided I needed a change and I decided to just go completely gray. My hair is naturally very dark brown, but I have never gotten so many compliments about my hair before. There’s more maintenance but I’m willing to do some maintenance for the sake of gaining more confidence.
This brings back such memories. I used to have my girls pull out the greys, back in the day when there were only a handful. I think I’m at 25 percent or so now, and I have not colored. I’ve used my greys as inspiration to be as fit, stylish (in my own style, which is pretty simple), active, interesting, etc as I can possibly be. I’ve become better at my skin care even, which I used to neglect shamefully. I used to tell my husband my hair needed to get shorter as it got greyer, but look at zoebakes!!
Zoë is my inspiration! I might just have to grin and bear the awkward phase of getting there.
I let mine all go natural about five years ago with the help of my stylist. I greyed early as well and am in my early forties now. I can’t tell you how much I LOVE it!! It’s so soft and pretty! I get compliments everywhere I go. Mostly I made the decision because I didn’t want to dye hair forever and I knew there would be a bad grow out if I passed the point of bow return…i didn’t want three inches of white, then brown. Or to have to cut it all off short. It was a process, but so welcome in a world of fake. It propelled me to make many changes in my own blog and social media that have been heart saving. I wish you well through your own journey. It’s awesome to say no and do all things for yourself, rather than appeasing the noise.
Sasha
I’ve been graying since college and I started adding in highlights to dim them down. So I will color every 3-4 months and he does a low light and a highlight so I’m not blonde. It grows out and looks pretty natural. Yes, it’s a pain. Oprah once said that there is hair coloring for a reason. Gray makes a person look older than they are. It’s worth it IMO. It’s about the only vain thing I really do. Also, I just love your house renovations or completions. I love that you take your time and really invest in each room one at a time. So I hope that is not on the chopping block.
I think in the meantime you rock the grey hair! I have a similar hair color, and similar greg situation going on. I love it. It would be weird if you started coloring your hair, then one day out of the blue thought: “I’m old enough to rock the grey!”. You don’t get to look 20 until you decide to look 50. Stuff has happened to me, stressful stuff. I’m in the middle of raising 3 little kids. I’m a better person now than when my hair was all brown, but for some reason people keep telling me to make my hair look like the younger less-better person I was. Why? I like being 34. I like that I’ve never colored my hair. It shows I’ve done stuff, hard stuff. And I got lots more room/hair/life/energy for more grey inducing hard stuff to come my way!
Oh, and love the blog. You do you, gurl. Authentic is my favorite form of blog post.
Yes!
I’ve never been good at
keeping regular hair appointments and I didn’t want a skunky look ever 11 weeks to weigh me down. I have rebranded my grey as platinum, and am happy to be true to my desire for low-maintenance looks. I was further bolstered recently when I admired a colleagues grey, and she replied “I decided to
let it grow in because you are, and I like how it looks!”
Power in numbers!
The gray!! My first gray hair popped up when I was 16 years old. In college I started dyeing my hair pretty close to my natural color to cover the grays. Early last year, maybe or maybe not in response to political events and/or The Patriarchy in general, I decided to stop coloring my hair for a while. The plan was to let ALL of the color grow out and see what I was working with, see what it would be like living as an at least 50% gray haired woman in my mid 30s. Near the end of the year (which was also near the end of the full growout process) I struggled quite a bit. I wanted so badly for the gray to be “my style” but I had a hard time incorporating it into how I saw myself. Less so because of some idea about gray being associated with age or the fading of beauty, and more about how the color looked against my skin tone and wardrobe. I felt faded, and I felt like I looked faded. I got tons of compliments from friends and strangers, but my hair still felt like someone else’s. One night, I abruptly and confidently decided to call it quits, and called my hair salon to make an appointment with my favorite colorist. Two days later I was back to the dark brown that I’ve worn for most of my life (and the natural color of my non-gray hair) and I haven’t looked back since. I’m super happy with my decision and learned a lot from the process of growing it out, as well as from the decision to go back to color.
Wow, I could have written all of this! I was a blond my whole life, but my natural hair color was getting darker and darker. In November 2016 (!) I colored my hair darker brown, my natural color, and was determined to let the grey grow in naturally. I really struggled with it for almost a year–the newly stark contrast between grey and the dark brown, the feeling that it wasn’t really me or my hair any more since I’d ditched the blond I’ve had my whole life, and the irritation with myself that I was thinking this much about hair. In September I went back to the salon to put the blond highlights back in, and I’m so happy I did. My grey is now much more blended with the ash blond highlights, and I just feel more like myself. I’m still mad I think this much about hair color with all that is going on in the world, but I’m satisfied with my blond highlights so now I can switch my energy to more important things!
This sounds so silly, but I never thought of adding highlights, which is basically whats going on with the greys.
Jeanelle! It’s Erin Rohlena. Fancy meeting you here 🙂
Now as for grays… my stylist is at a very high end hipster joint, and said she’d just help me find a box to do at home. My hair is very dark brown, and any highlights would just look cheap and tacky. So I could play her $100 or whatever for solid color hair dye, or just do it in my bathroom at home.
Is your hair dark enough do just do a solid color dye?
A friend recently did this. She got a giant promotion, moved to a big city, and got a super edgy cut. But she’s also a mama of preschoolers so she was feeling like she wanted something…less gray. So she grew it out, moved back here to our town, got with her favorite colorist and got a more conservative bob with color woven into the hair to ease the grow-out (her hair is 90% gray now). It looks awesome. Her attitude is it’s all drag anyway, just have fun.
that’s a good one!
Your comment about adding a line item to the budget . . . unfortunately, yes. I fought that very thing for awhile (years), but once I gave in and scheduled every-10-week coloring appointments, it was honestly a huge relief. I still resent the money (it by far outweighs every other ‘beauty’ thing I do for myself). But I found I’d rather feel that than “meh” about my hair. Good hair detracts from a multitude of other aging issues that are much harder to correct, in my opinion!
I do low- and highlights, no dying because I have naturally very light brown (dishwater brown) hair. And because I’ve been the “blonde” realm for decades now. The shiny ash blonde highlights camouflage the grey pretty well I think. My hair gal says that very few women have the “kind” of grey where it looks amazing . . . when we see women with all-grey hair that looks incredible it’s usually on the whiter end of the spectrum. Apparently that’s not very common (naturally).
This is the first time I’ve wished away my brown hair. It’s such a stark contrast. And I had no idea that good grey hair was a rare thing! I almost stopped a woman last week to tell her how beautiful her grey hair was, which was on the white side now that I think about it. I held back in case she was as self conscious about it as I am right now. Taking lots of notes. Thank you for writing!
My hair is doing the same thing and I cannot decide what to do. I’m surprised by how often I think about what to do about it!
Same! My husband is tired of me talking about it. I guess I’m tired of talking about it too, I just can’t decide what to do!
I have very dark brown hair and noticed my grey coming in white, my hair stylist encouraged my to grow out a section or “streak” which was a brilliant way to dye the rest and honor the grey. It also allowed for slightly longer time between treatments because it helps blend the grey and softens the look. Now that I am 46 I am growing out the grey and it is awkward. But I wear very bright lipstick to counteract the washed out vibe and keep my eye brows well groomed and dark. It’s been easier on my bank account and is based in radical self love. The more of us that rock this look the more permission we give others to accept themselves as well and push a new standard of beauty.
Me, too, same. I turned fifty a month ago and i’m wondering whether my hair got the memo. Greys are sprouting throughout my brunette hair at a rate I can no longer deny. I, too, thought I would grey naturally, but now that I am, I hate it! But I weirdly don’t want to color it! when any of you decides what to do please let me know.