Quick Pickled Vegetables | @thefauxmartha

Sometimes I catch myself under the glassy glow of the strung lights, in wide open space, sitting at a table at least a mile long. We’re eating vegetables that I grew and canned last season. It’s dusk. The wind doesn’t blow here. Our steps are deliberate and the place settings are perfectly imperfect. The linens have been pressed and the food never grows cold. That’s when I trip over a booby trap, a little landmine Hallie set up before nap time. Expletive. I nearly drop my phone, losing my place on my Instagram feed—where the daydream started.  Read more

For my entire married life—4 years and counting—we’ve been eating Jack’s Garden Fresh Salsa. Purchased from Costco. It’s one of the main reasons this two person household has a membership. That and rolled oats. And then we moved to Connecticut. No Jack here. Read more

Pardon my language. Allow me to explain.

Amy: Can you help me recreate a sauce?
Me: Sure [said with hesitation]. I can try.
Amy: It’s vegan.
Me: Oh never mind, that’s way out of my league. You’ll have to ask Genesis.
Amy: I already did. She told me to ask you.
Me: Shoot. No promises though [said with confidence].

Next thing you know, we’re sitting around Amy’s kitchen table. Pinkies lifted high. A chip cracker in hand. Palettes cleansed. Let the Bitchin’ Sauce tasting begin. Dip, taste, dip, taste, ponder. Dip, taste, pretend you know what you’re doing, write. And repeat.

Definition: Bitchin’ Sauce (nerb—noun + verb) is a bitchin’ (for lack of a better word) sauce sold at the San Diego farmers market. It comes in 3 varieties—original, chipotle, pesto. It’s both vegan and gluten-free. And the taste? It’s oh-em-gee out of this world! (Coming from a girl who turns her nose up at all things vegan. Mark my word—this sauce made me a lover.) Almonds give the sauce its creamy base. While lemons provide a lovely kick at the end. Its only downfall—you can’t get it in Chicago. Hence Amy’s question—can you help me recreate a sauce?

100 chips later and the dip/taste sequence came to a close. We had a list of ingredients. And yes, we cheated by writing down the ingredients from the label. However, if the word “spices” had been a bit more specific, we could have saved those chips for another time. Travesty.

After the list was secured, we reconvened at Genesis’ house. Wrote up a rough recipe. And turned the VitaMix to high. A couple tweaks later. And Houston, we have Bitchin’ Sauce! Or darn close to it.

Eat it on a chip. Or even on a vegetable. Or stay tuned to how I’ve been eating it everyday for the past 2 weeks. San Diego peeps—how do you eat your Bitchin’ Sauce?

Bitchin Sauce (Original)
Serves: about 2 cups
 
Ingredients
  • 3/4 c. + 2 tbsp. water
  • 1/2 c. + 2 tbsp. grapeseed oil
  • 1/2 c. raw almonds
  • 1/4 c. + 2 tbsp. lemon juice, fresh
  • 3 tbsp. nutritional yeast
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 2 tsp. bragg liquid aminos
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1/2 tsp. cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. chili powder
  • 1/4 tsp. coriander
  • 1/4 tsp. paprika
Instructions
  1. Place all ingredients in a high-powdered blender (such as a VitaMix). Slowly blend for one minute. Turn the dial up to high, and continue to blend for 1-2 minutes or until smooth and creamy.
  2. Store in the refrigerator. Sauce may separate. Stir and it’s as good as new.
Notes
• Nutritional Yeast and Bragg Liquid Aminos can be found at Whole Foods. If you’re not vegan, the ingredients may seem like a bit of an investment. But let me tell you, it’s one worth making.

• 2 tablespoons = 1/8 cup (If you happen to have one of those laying around.)

• Although I haven’t tried it, I think a food processor will work to make this sauce.

• This sauce doesn’t last long enough in my fridge to figure out its shelf life.

• If you’re stopping through San Diego, you must give the real deal a try. It just might revolutionize your life. Word on the street—they may start shipping soon.

• If doing Whole30, coconut aminos can be substituted for bragg aminos.

Try the chipotle version!