A Scoop of Black (vegan chocolate ice cream) | @thefauxmartha

The sprinkler runs as we try to salvage our patchy lawn. First time homeowners. Seizing the opportunity, she puts on her swimsuit. I’m glad I skipped buying that $7.99 kiddie pool at Target. It would have been a better mold-grower and debris-collector anyways. She runs a miles worth up and down the driveway, dripping wet, under the canopy of droplets that touch the rays of sun before landing on her. Then the tears show up. I look for blood from the inevitable stubbed toe. Nothing. Read more

Peanut Butter Balls | @thefauxmartha

“Email is a wonderful thing for people whose role in life is to be on top of things. But not for me; my role is to be on the bottom of things. What I do takes long hours of studying and uninterruptible concentration.” —Donald Knuth, a computer scientist

I added that quote to my email signature after Kev shared it with me. He knows my struggles. As of right now, the number 8855 is barely legible, set in white text on a red background, and hovering to the right of my email application. I’m a minimalist in most areas of life except my inbox. It’s a complete disaster. It gives me hives when I think about it, so I don’t. I have trouble pressing delete and unsubscribing from reoccurring emails. I mark every email as unread. And replies take at least a couple days for me to formulate my thoughts and sentiments. I live a paralyzed life when it comes to email. Read more

Tar Cherry Pie | @thefauxmartha

“So I said, “I better start thinking about having my own language in cooking.” I didn’t invent anything really. I just went down to my knees, looked around and remembered all the tools from my childhood. I looked around a bit into the mountains and saw what the natives had been doing. I grabbed all that and I started cooking with it.” —Francis Mallmann
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Salt and Vinegar Chocolate Tart | @thefauxmartha

I had the opportunity to fly to Portland on a #chiptrip with Kettle Chips. We toured their beautiful innovation center and production facility. In fact, it’s so beautiful I didn’t believe they actually produced chips on-site until I saw chips being produced on-site. A modern building straight out of Dwell Magazine greeted us. Lush, thoughtful landscaping stood between the restored wetlands and the innovation center. Could it be possible to love Kettle Chips even more? I knew it was in the realm after having my mind blown the night before at Park Kitchen. We finished dinner with a bittersweet chocolate tart that sat above a pool of salted caramel sauce. Adjacent to the tart was a scoop of hazelnut ice cream with crunchy Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips underneath. Salt and Vinegar Chips! I’ve never fallen so madly, deeply in love with a dessert. It’s like the first 10 seconds of a Christina Aguilera song when she hits every last note. Bitter, sweet, salty, sour, smooth, rich, crunchy. I was ruined. Read more

Wine Sautéed Apples over Cake | @thefauxmartha

I have one of those market totes you’d see on the streets of Paris. It’s knit from water reeds that look like a soft wicker. The top edge is trimmed with a line of leather. It’s my co-op and farmers market bag. Walking home from the store yesterday with my tiny person in tow and a baguette and green onions poking out from the top of our tote, I realize I’m in one of those “What people think I do” collages. You know the kind that ran around the internet last year with six square images set on a black background? At first thought, I’m certain I’d appear in one of the perfectly styled initial images. Woman with well-behaved child walking home hand-in-hand from the market with a beautiful bag of produce. But as I start to break out into a run, I realize I’m not her. I chase my tiny human down praying the baguette is still intact. At least there’s a cool tote on my shoulder, even if it’s barely hanging on. There’s a picture of that in the collage too.   Read more

Fancy S'mores | @thefauxmartha

If ever there’s ever a s’mores dessert on a menu, I’m quick to order it. We’ve ordered a slice of s’mores tart on two separate occasions recently. And on both occasions, I bookmarked the idea for later. But it was the time it took to make marshmallows that put a halt in my home-made idea. And then I found myself with a surplus of egg whites in the fridge, an unopened box of graham crackers, a brick of chocolate, an extra 20 minutes, and a better idea. Read more

Stone Fruit Cobbler | @thefauxmartha

There were missed deadlines. Lots of flights and late bed times. Family gatherings. Dancing (if you can qualify our erratic movements as such). There were hamburgers, chips, and watermelon. Mouthfuls of salty water. Tiny feet splashing in waves. And wine. Plenty of wine. We lived this summer. So much so, I think our new neighbors thought this was our winter home, which is funny because we live in Minnesota. You don’t dare leave the state come summer. TSA enforced. Read more

Bakery-style Peanut Butter Cookies | @thefauxmartha

When I want a cookie, which is not every week or even every month, I want a substantial cookie. From a bakery case, not a cookie jar, but at my house. You know the kind. Remember Not Your Mom’s Chocolate Chip Cookie or Big Fat Sugar Cookies? Measuring in at 3½” wide and 1½” tall, they share a thin exterior layer of crunch with plenty of soft cookie throughout, much like these bakery-style peanut butter cookies. I like my cookies epic, so epic they crack at the edges.
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