Pardon my language. Allow me to explain.

Amy: Can you help me recreate a sauce?
Me: Sure [said with hesitation]. I can try.
Amy: It’s vegan.
Me: Oh never mind, that’s way out of my league. You’ll have to ask Genesis.
Amy: I already did. She told me to ask you.
Me: Shoot. No promises though [said with confidence].

Next thing you know, we’re sitting around Amy’s kitchen table. Pinkies lifted high. A chip cracker in hand. Palettes cleansed. Let the Bitchin’ Sauce tasting begin. Dip, taste, dip, taste, ponder. Dip, taste, pretend you know what you’re doing, write. And repeat.

Definition: Bitchin’ Sauce (nerb—noun + verb) is a bitchin’ (for lack of a better word) sauce sold at the San Diego farmers market. It comes in 3 varieties—original, chipotle, pesto. It’s both vegan and gluten-free. And the taste? It’s oh-em-gee out of this world! (Coming from a girl who turns her nose up at all things vegan. Mark my word—this sauce made me a lover.) Almonds give the sauce its creamy base. While lemons provide a lovely kick at the end. Its only downfall—you can’t get it in Chicago. Hence Amy’s question—can you help me recreate a sauce?

100 chips later and the dip/taste sequence came to a close. We had a list of ingredients. And yes, we cheated by writing down the ingredients from the label. However, if the word “spices” had been a bit more specific, we could have saved those chips for another time. Travesty.

After the list was secured, we reconvened at Genesis’ house. Wrote up a rough recipe. And turned the VitaMix to high. A couple tweaks later. And Houston, we have Bitchin’ Sauce! Or darn close to it.

Eat it on a chip. Or even on a vegetable. Or stay tuned to how I’ve been eating it everyday for the past 2 weeks. San Diego peeps—how do you eat your Bitchin’ Sauce?

Bitchin Sauce (Original)

Yield: about 2 cups

Ingredients

3/4 c. + 2 tbsp. water
1/2 c. + 2 tbsp. grapeseed oil
1/2 c. raw almonds
1/4 c. + 2 tbsp. lemon juice, fresh
2 cloves garlic
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. chili powder
1/4 tsp. coriander
1/4 tsp. paprika

Instructions

  1. Place all ingredients in a high-powdered blender (such as a VitaMix). Slowly blend for one minute. Turn the dial up to high, and continue to blend for 1-2 minutes or until smooth and creamy.
  2. Store in the refrigerator. Sauce may separate. Stir and it’s as good as new.

Notes

• Nutritional Yeast and Bragg Liquid Aminos can be found at Whole Foods. If you’re not vegan, the ingredients may seem like a bit of an investment. But let me tell you, it’s one worth making.

• 2 tablespoons = 1/8 cup (If you happen to have one of those laying around.)

• Although I haven’t tried it, I think a food processor will work to make this sauce.

• This sauce doesn’t last long enough in my fridge to figure out its shelf life.

• If you’re stopping through San Diego, you must give the real deal a try. It just might revolutionize your life. Word on the street—they may start shipping soon.

http://www.thefauxmartha.com/2012/01/23/bitchin-sauce/

Chipotle version.

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